she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I party with great urgency now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
