I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
