Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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