yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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