whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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