Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
