I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
