No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
