I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
