i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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