I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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