and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
