your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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