He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
