I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
