It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize