can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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