we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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