you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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