im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
