Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
