That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
zippers are such a cool invention
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just pee around me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
