If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
