There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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