All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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