I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
