I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize