I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
