that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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