1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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