Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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