May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
