Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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