I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
