I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
