hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
