k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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