My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
