I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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