Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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