I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
third nipple confirmed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
