I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize