only if we run a train.
done.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
