I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
