you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
