Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
