how hairy? two words: wookie tits
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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