I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
