Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
