A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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