And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
