mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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