ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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