Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
