i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
