No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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