I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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