I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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