so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize