I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
