We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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