dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
