her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
