Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
