You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
