my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
should my penis look like a turkey
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
