So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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