Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
