I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sobbing to NWA
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
