I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
