ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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