So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
