My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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