Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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