Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
