everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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