we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
