I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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