found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
