The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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