it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize