Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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