i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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