We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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