i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
