I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
