i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
