having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize