Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
