Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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