Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Green mimosas i think yes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
