I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come share oat with me in your robe
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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