did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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