saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
