hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
