So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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