Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
