ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
