So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
