Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
