Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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