There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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